Argh

So I was sent back from the national service cause I got chicken pox. Feeling worse as the days pass.

I feel horrible. The lumps are all over my throat. Every swallow is a battle. A painful one.

Will relate the full story later. Got sent home to sleep.

~ Angelina.

Away (Yet Again...)

I'll be serving the national service for the next three months. I'll be back on March 11 (if nothing goes wrong). Please pray that you don't see me in the papers.

GOODBYE EVERYONE!!! *wipes tears*

P.S.: Please leave good luck wishes in my comment box =x

New Look

So I decided it is time to redesign my blog, thanks to the bunch of free time I have in my hands. I finally found a picture of a street *ahem*...trail...*ahem* but it was kinda blurry, and it wasn't even misty. Thanks to photoshop, a sharpened and now misty street (fine, trail) is now the header of my blog! It looked nice when I first tested it out on my template-tester blog, but when I transferred it here and added those widgets, it looks clogged up! :(

Anyhow, what do you think? Is it better? Worse? I think the colours are a little weird, but I can't think of how to recolour them so I just left it like that. Leave me a comment and tell me what you think :) *waits for a once-in-a-blue-moon visitor to rate*

~ Angelina

Christmas Turkey

I was on Facebook, and a Turkish guy added me. Here's a pic of our short chat.


Someone just can't wait for the Christmas turkey to be served.

~ Angelina

Who are we?

Things are not always what it seems to be. True. Are people always who they seem to be? I don't think so. I personally am incapable of expressing myself through words of mouth, though the thought exists. However, by putting thoughts into words, such as this post, makes expression possible. I wish I were better in words vocally, however, because I fail to communicate myself well to others, and I think that it has caused anger build-up. I think I need to join some anger management programme or something, because my blood seem to boil with the simplest spark of fire. I just feel so... angry at times. Maybe my blog is the perfect dose of medicine!

Every time we see a smile on someone's face, do we ever stop to wonder if the same smile is in the person's heart? No. Usually we assume that what we see is the truth. And sometimes we get highly jealous of that assumed truth, or in some cases, make more assumptions out of the assumed truth. For instance, if you are trying to beat someone in the sense of wealth (without the knowledge of that person), displayed through actions and not words, such as working towards buying a bigger car than the person; and one day that person comes to you with a smiling face and chats at usual, while still having a bigger car than you, what do you think is the reason behind that smile? Is it a I'm-so-happy-to-see-you smile? Is it a I'm-just-having-a-good-day smile? Or is it a I'm-still-better-than-you-smile? Actually, either of them has the same possibility and probability of truth than the others, but the urge of trying to beat that person usually clouds your thoughts, automatically making the third reason your assumed truth. Isn't it fascinating how the human mind works? From just a plain smile, so many meanings can be derived from it, and there are a million and one possible reactions to the derived meanings.

Ahh... Isn't simplicity waaaay too complex to understand? :)

~ Angelina

Transition

SPM is finally over. And I'm not impressed with what I've done. But what the heck, what's done is done. Now I'm facing a transition, an age transition, from teenagerhood to adulthood. I prefer to see it as a successful escape from the Dark Ages, the age where people are forced to do things they hate, like studying. I don't mind studying actually, I can even love it, it's just that I hate studying what I'm forced to study, and not what I like. But then, what the heck again, it's over!

AND... I'm due for national service at the end of this year. Gotta report in on the 27th of December. My camp's at Melaka, on a Chempedak Mountain (Bukit Chempedak). Too bad it's not Bukit Rambutan - I'M A HUGE RAMBUTAN FAN!

Feeling lazy, might update again somewhere before 27th of December. Ciao.

~ Angelina

Quahrrels

Quarrelling. Seems to run in the family. Is it because of the surname QUAH? Quahrellings.

It makes me sad that I always have quarrels with my mum. She just doesn't want to admit that she is in the wrong and the word "sorry" does not exist in her vocabulary. Every time something goes wrong, the finger points to me, the shouting is towards me, and the blame is put on me. Sometimes it makes me wonder, if I am dead, will all these still happen? Is it only then she will realise that I am not the cause of her "misery"?

Another quarrel, yesterday. With the tone sounding like I murdered someone, she blamed me for something she THOUGHT she asked me to do, which she didn't, and after I told her, she did not believe me. Then the you-should-know speech started, and again, my fault. And being the innocent party, I REFUSE to speak or look at her. Well, that's my way of "showing my temper".

Later that night, well, according to my stepfather; she told him that she was sad about my attitude, bla bla bla. And today, I still refuse to initiate any communication with her. And just now, my stepfather gave me a lecture on how I'm supposed to give in BECAUSE I'M THE DAUGHTER.

I AM THE DAUGHTER SO WHAT? ACCUSE ME OF MURDER ALSO MUST NOD?

Of course, I refuse to give in. Then, he started talking about respect. For your information, I RESPECT WITH A REASON LOR! You don't respect me, for what I respect you? I am also a human with feelings, not a wall for you to scream at when you're in a bad mood. Then, he started saying about her not feeling well and stuff, and that maybe all the symptoms "are caused by a growth". Oh, so using death to threaten me now la? Then I also can say, I got depression, I MIGHT SUICIDE ANY MOMENT SO APPRECIATE ME MORE!

And I remember some email she sent me a couple of weeks ago telling me that I was rude. If I am rude, then her? One sentence can kill a man? Hypocrite.

This post is not to show any disrespect or whatsoever, but sometimes she is just too much, and there is just so much I can stand. I need a place to voice out my dissatisfaction and opinions, and thus the existence of my blog.

~ Angelina

The Semi Boss

If you think being the kid of the person in authority of a certain place is cool, you're wrong. I don't know about the ministers' kids, or Bill Gates' daughter; but I know I hate it when people treats me like a little princess to try and jack their boss, in this case, my mum.

Little presents, delicious treats, ang paus during the Chinese New Year...

"Oh, hey! I got this for your daughter!"

"Wow, she's growing taller!" (Stupid, I know I've never made an inch since Primary 6)

All these, clear signs of insincerity. I mean, if they were so downright sincere, why didn't they give little gifts to others? Their colleagues have children too, why not give them gifts? Why me? At my mum's office, I'm always the smartest, tallest, prettiest, gorgeous person there. Yet people who don't know me wouldn't give me a second glance. If I'm that perfect, don't you think the paparazzi would be all over me?

I hate being the semi boss, they treat me good to get a promotion, they treat me good to get a raise, but since when am I treated good for being myself? I dread stepping into the office on Fridays (earlier school dismissal), the staffs will all still be there. Once I step in they'll go all high-pitched saying, "Oh, look! Here's Madam Julie's daughter! Awww!"

I FEEL UNEASY ONE YOU KNOW?!!

You know, the next time I get a job, I'll know what NOT to do - shower my boss's kid with goodies. You know my future boss's kid, I know exactly how you feel *pats imaginary back*

And my mum says, "Privileged kids don't know how to appreciate."

***

You know about my previous posts on how I hate studying Chinese language? Now I've totally changed my mind (not the part where I have to memorize 260 idioms for SPM, of course). Studying that language isn't so bad after all, the second worst part has passed, which is my primary school times, and now the last obstacle is waiting! SPM! All I have to do is bear that 260 idioms for another about 4 months, THEN I'M FREE! And I'll be recognized as somebody who can speak and write in 3 languages, and speak 2 dialects in China (Hokkien and Cantonese actually, although I only know some basics for Cantonese, and don't understand what people are saying half of the time :D).

The reason why I have this sudden change of mind is because my Chinese language teacher introduced to us a new university that is going to be opened in Malaysia. It is ranked the 4th best university in China, and even the natives are having a hard time trying to apply to study there. What's better is that - it is compulsory for all students to study in ShangHai for their last year. STILL NEED TO MAKE COMPULSORY MEH? No need to force also I go :D Then maybe I can use this opportunity to penetrate China's market, and then make money, and be rich, and... and...

AND! This is what I call a truely privileged person, not because I'm the kid of a boss, because I'm capable of balancing 3 languages, 3 science subjects, 2 math subjects, history, EST and still having "very good moral values", in a normal-sized human brain! I'm not a genius, I'm not one of the smartie gang, but I'm definitely more privileged. I admit that I don't score good grades for the science subjects, like I said, I'm no genius; but, who says I'm gonna pursue something that I'm not interested in anyway? :D

I just don't think that it is necessary to study hard for something that I don't like, for instance, my science subjects. I wouldn't wanna lose my fun little teenagerhood just to be at the top 10, I know many others who would, but just not me. Maybe I prefer to be like every other teenager and stick with the late hand-ins and rules breaking :) Don't get me wrong, I ain't no big-time rules breaker, but some rules are meant to be broken, so I did just that! Don't look at me with that stare, don't tell me you haven't broken any rules before?

Then again, maybe that's how I stopped myself from being that little emo girl I was years ago. I changed my lifestyle, I changed my perception of school, I changed what I think is more beneficial to me mentally and emotionally. I changed my views on life. I ain't one of the top-scorers like I was before, yet I am undeniably happier. I don't get stressed up on a B anymore. Not even on a C now. I simply just pay more attention, that's all I need for a happy life, and that is how it is meant to be for me, for my life :)

God's Contradiction

I quote this from a thread on Facebook debating about the existence of God.

You fool. Oh, and I'm allowed to call you a fool, but you aren't allowed to insult me:
“whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire."(Matt 5.22)

Although interestingly Jesus wasn't much good at following his own rule:

"Ye fools and blind..."(Matt 23.17)”

I had a good laugh.

Schooling - Local & Overseas

Have you ever wonder how life will be, if you had taken that step? That step that might just lead to the better and had every other chance for the worst? Life is full of what-if's. And a little what-if question just resurfaced on my mind, the question I had asked myself five years ago.

What if I had been smart enough and got awarded the ASEAN scholarship when I was in Standard 6? How would my life in Singapore be? Will I fit in? Will I be happier? Will I still be discriminated like I've always been all my primary school life?

If only I had put in more effort than no effort that year, if only I knew how important that scholarship was to me when I was 12 years old, if only I felt the love I felt towards that country since I first set foot there last year...

If only...

Yes, I'm still emo about that sad memory until now.

Then again, I would miss loads of events happening in my family, in Malaysia (no, it ain't bout the love for my country).

1. I would miss the birth of my 3rd and 4th uncle's first child. And second. And third.

2. I would miss the quick-paced progress of my mother's career.

3. I would miss my chickens.

4. I would never have met my goodie goodie good genius friends.

5. You might not be reading this now.

6. I would be asking "What if I DIDN'T get the scholarship?"

7. I would be facing a huge risk of being sent back to Malaysia due to my hollow skull.

8. I might get too stressed mentally and socially and then commit suicide.

9. I would declare the 8th point as untrue because I LOVE MYSELF TOO MUCH :)

10. I would die of starvation. (Singapore's food price too expensive larrr T.T)

I would say that it's fated for me to stay in Malaysia and then die due to SPM stress, but since I still don't believe in God because you haven't gave me a scientifically logical reason on His existence, so I guess I'll just say that I want to give myself more time to prepare to become independant because I really might die due to immaturity *self-consoling*.

Enough about dying! I'm making it seem like I'd die either way -_-

PS: I actually started using hair conditioner today. My hair turned so smooth immediately, I swear if I was Rapunzel, Prince Charming would slip off. And fall. And die. Bwahahaha!

~ Angelina

Of Killer Bad Moods

Bad moods suck. Like, totally. They make you don't feel like doing anything at all, with the stupid throb in your heart, and the urge to bite the head of the next person who asks you to do something.

On top of that, I especially DESPISE people who love adding fire to my boiling kerosene. People who act like a fucking idiot, making you sound stupid just because you didn't realise that you made a typo. Example:

Me: I really hate i because you're dumb.
Fucking idiot: HUH? You really hate yourself because I'm dumb? O_O!?!!!1!?!11!!

Seriously, you goddamn know that that's a typo, because for one, it doesn't sound AT ALL right, and two, for a person who knows how to use a chat program, you clearly KNOW that the letters "U" and "I" are together. So shut up, and don't bother to ask that idiotic question, and especially avoid the usage of that idiotic emoticon at the wrong time, and cut the extra exclamation marks, question marks and number ones, FOR THE SAKE OF SANITY.

Some people really can drive me up the wall. Why do they have to type like, 2 words per chat, pressing enter and try to crash your WLM.

n00b: uhm
n00b: u noe
n00b: like
n00b: totally
n00b: i mean TOTALLY
n00b: awesome!
n00b: haha
n00b: xD

And by the time you click their window to reply them, you'd have to waste like 1 minute and 2 seconds to scroll up, then down, and try to piece together that stupid puzzle, and finally with your brilliant minds, figure out what are they trying to say.

And I don't get how some people, can go on and on about how much they hate their aunts, about how pathetic their lives are, about how their friend's brother's cousin's mother's father's grandson's friend's sister's uncle's niece thinks that her brother's friend's mother's brother's son's uncle's nephew's brother's cousin's friend like them. I mean, I don't even know your friend's brother's cousin's mother's father's grandson's friend's sister's uncle's niece, what more anything about her brother's friend's mother's brother's son's uncle's nephew's brother's cousin's friend. WHAT THE HELL MAKES YOU THINK I WANT TO LISTEN TO THAT PURE CRAP?

And another laughable thing is, I occasionally have random people adding me in messenger. So of course, I wouldn't know who that random person is, and my first question would most probably be questioning their identity.

Me: Who are you?
Random person: Mary's cousin.
Me: Oh, I'm Jolene's friend. Also, I'm Julie's daughter, Derrick's niece, Jia Xuan's cousin and the daughter of the daughter of my grandmother.

Totally speechless.


Don't you just love to hate PMS.

~ Angelina

Media - The Cause of Controversy?

The media is a very influential thing. Everyone almost believes everything on the papers and the news without further questioning.

China, for example, is pictured as a heartless country who refuses to present Tibet its independence and the media is somehow, in a way, trying to gather more "anti-China" and "free Tibet" campaigns to feed the world with more "hot news". The world, on the other hand, is trying to boycott China and its Olympic event this coming August because obviously, they're all intimidated by China's sudden rise in the world's economic.

And SOME people in this world, who knows only a handful, happened to take a glance at how evil China is as projected by the media and uses the recent earthquake tragedy in China to open their big mouth and shout how much the Chinese deserved it. I wonder how is it possible that the world can give birth to geniuses like Einstein and damn idiots like these half bottle fulls.

I call this kind of people "a half bottle full" for a reason. Take a bottle, fill it with water until its brink and close it tight. Now shake it. Do you hear any noise? No? Now pour the water until there is about a quarter left. Close the opening and shake it again. Is it noisy? The water represents knowledge and the noise represents a persons' mouth. The wise will know how to keep their mouth shut, the illiterates will have nothing to say. But take an idiot and feed him a spoonful of information and there he goes, bragging about that little information as if he discovered e=mc². As an English saying goes, "A wise man never knows all, but a fool knows everything."

~ Angelina

Inked

True. I have lost interest in blogging. But I started writing stories :D

For those who are interested, please hop on to my other blog for some literacy fun.

~ Angelina

Height Issues

I ain't happy with my height. Blame the genes. Or maybe my pituitary gland got clogged. Whatever it is, I'm gonna keep on ranting bout my height. And don't try to tell me to be happy with what God gave me. Don't tell me you're perfectly fine with your looks. Maybe you'd choose to have more volumed hair, maybe it's your eyelids, maybe it's that brow which wouldn't grow the way you want it. Or that tooth that sticks out so obvious that you dare not show your teeth when you smile. Is your nose a little too flat? Got low cheekbones? If you're given a chance, I'm sure you would change something about your looks. You aren't happy with your looks, I know it. I'm not happy with mine either. Maybe you want bigger eyes, maybe you want a better-looking jawline. Dimples too perhaps. For me, I want to grow taller.

At 154cm, trust me, the world isn't a pleasant sight.

"Look! There it is! On top of the mountain!"
"See what? The mountain is bald."
"You blind is it? So big on top there also cannot see."

My mum is short, about my height. And from what I heard, my biological father is short too. Thus, I was born short. And I reached puberty at like, 10 years old?! Reaching puberty at such a young age made me taller than the others in my primary school days. Yes, those were the oh-so-pleasant days. The days when I could happily walk to the back of the row when teacher asks us to line up. The days I could reach shelves which others couldn't. Ah, the sweet memories.

Don't tell me to look a bright side of this, cause there ain't a bright side. Don't tell me that at least I won't be taller than my boyfriend. I see nothing bright in that. Nor the fact that I could fit in the kawaii children's clothes. And the worst of the "bright sides" is telling my that I'd look cuter if I'm short. Cause I know the truth - I don't.

Also - I DON'T BELIEVE THAT JUMPING HELPS. My mum asks me to jump everyday, which I don't. Logically speaking, if an overweight girl like me were to jump up and land down with like 50kg of fats, don't you think the pressure alone with make the legs shorter? Don't try and intimidate me with your Biology theories, I'll shoot you back with the logical Physics theories I made up.

And that teacher. That teacher who couldn't hold her tongue for like one minute. After like a whole load of elaboration in front of the class, all she could say to me was, "You know, I just realised that you're this short." Fuck you, whether you meant it or not. You think you're so tall is it? Think before you ever say anything, can? I know my genes suck and I have miniature cells. I also know you have gigantic cells so huge that you are a unicellular organism that looks taller than me.

- End of rant -

By the way, I've just started some stretching exercises today. Wish me luck. If it doesn't work, I should just go live with the seven dwarfs in Snow White. Then maybe the prince in the story will go, "OMFG A CHINESE IN A FAIRYTALE?!" Then he'll marry me. And we'll live happily ever after.

P.S.: Sorry, Snow White.

~ Angelina

Tagged, I'm it!

Tagged by my classmate, Wei Ting.

INSTRUCTIONS: Remove ONE question from below, and add in your personal question, make it a total of 20 questions, then tag 8 people in your list, list them out at the end of this post. Notify them in their chat box that he/she has been tagged. Whoever does the tag will have blessings from all.

1. Who is your all-time inspiration?
Mummy! And my friends too :)

2. What do you feel like doing now?
Study.

3. What can you describe your life?
School life sucks pretty much. Can't wait for college. Home life? Heaven.

4. Where is the place that you want to go the most?
Egypt. I wanna see the pyramids and the mummies!

5. If you could have 1 dream to come true, what would it be?
I wish that my dream of everyone living happily - no stress, no sadness, no grief; just plain happiness would come true.

6. Do you believe in true love?
To me, the definition of true love is not forever love. If your love for a particular person at a particular time is true, eternal or not, it is true love. And therefore, I do believe in true love.

7. What do you want the most from your lover/admirer?
Their faithfulness and love.

8. If you win $1 million, what would you do?
Invest in fast growing estates, beautify my teeth and get a professional hair-do.

9. If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
No. I'm just too shy.

10. What would you like to change about your current life?
I just wish that Malaysia's education would change, and this will change everybody's lives, not only mine.

11. What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?
As stated above, faithfulness and love, preferably not too overweight/underweight. I want a healthy guy! No smoking or heavy drinking either.

12. Which type of person you do hate the most?
Attention seekers and people who think they're too clever.

13. What is your ambition?
Mass advertiser, or anything that has to do with marketing.

14. If you have faults, would you rather the people around you point out to you or would you rather they keep quiet?
I'd rather they tell me my about faults to me personally, or just shut up and quit spreading damaging rumours.

15. What do you think is the most important in your life?
Happiness.

16. Are you a shopaholic?
Nope, I'm more of a foodaholic.

17. If you have a chance, which part of your character you would want to change?
My habit of procrastination.

18. What would you do if have an off day?
Probably search for ingenious softwares, learn some programming, and glue onto Facebook.

19. what do you feel like eating now?
Famous Amos chocolate chip cookies, Baskin Robbin's Chocolate Mousse Royale ice-cream, dark chocolate bars, American Chocolate cake... Yes, I'm a chocoholic too.

20. How do you feel now?
Sleepy! I eat and I sleep and I call that heaven.



Ain't tagging no one. Do the tag and pass it on if you want :)

~ Angelina

Education Ruined The World?

Can it be said that education ruined the world?

Many families in the world are having problems with their relationships and because of that, parents drink; teenagers do drugs; join gangs, etc. And what is the cause of problems in family relations?

Parents work hard because they have to support the family. Not only the basic needs, but also for education. Now, we all know that education is costly. And we're not talking about just completing secondary school. We're talking about college. University. How much is the fees again you tell me? 20 grands? 30? Or is it 40? How much is it again to obtain a doctoral degree? Even a master's?

Because of all the hard work that have to be done by parents, and all the studying and homework for the kids, communication has become scarce. And what happens when there is insufficient communication? I've gone through that. For parents out there, you'd never know what is in your children's mind. When I was little, I have always thought that my mother never loved me. She owns a kindergarten, and in kindergartens, there are little kids. I've always assumed that she loved the kids more than me, and that if the kindergarten is on fire and I'm drowning, she'd save the kindergarten first. And what's worse is that, I've always thought that if I destroyed the kindergarten, and if all the little kids doesn't exist, she'd start to love me. She'd start to realise I'm there. She'd hug me in her arms and never let go. At a point, I even thought she'd be happier if I wasn't there, so I secretly fantasized of running away from home, which I eventually didn't do, thankfully. I was 7 at that time.

Maybe that's just me, or maybe all children think alike, who knows? Well, just be wary to be safe. So, back to topic. Education ruined the world? In my opinion, yes. After all the parents' hard work, most of the kids hate studying because parents never had the chance to teach them about the importance of education, how important is education so they could earn enough money for their future families and continue this infinite cycle. And what about potential children whose parents can't afford to pay their college fees? Yes, there are many other alternatives, but hey, you get the picture.

How many families survive this phase and bring up successful children? And how many don't? Since the successful ones are getting lesser, and the chances are that some of the successful ones don't make successful parents, what is going to happen to the future of this world? Maybe the world isn't going to end when the sun becomes to hot and melts it. Maybe it is going to end because of a never-ending chaos that even national security cannot control. And maybe the 10 lucky successful people will get together and set off to Mars, leaving Earth behind, leaving Earth to die. And in Mars, the cycle continues. End of humanity.

There are many possibilities in the question of how the world will end, and you better pray that it isn't going to end like this.

~ Angelina (I know I think too much)

No Life

I NEED A SOCIAL LIFE!

Seriously. I can't stand this routine. Wake up, school, home, sleep. I am current suffering from Severe Social Deficiency Disease, also known as SSDD.

And I don't know why, but I think of Singapore everytime I feel I'm lonely.

~ Angelina

Rant On Unknowns

Question 1: Integrate each of the following with respect to x.

With respect... with respect... with respect.

Well, you know what x? I respect you very much. In fact, I respect you SO much that I write you down almost everyday in almost all the pages of my additional mathematics book. x, x, x, x, x. Oh Mr. x, I respect you so much I think I'm gonna worship you! You, the most popular Unknown in maths; most popular among all unknowns from A-Z; the most feared unknown.

But you know what Mr. x? It would be better if you would just disappear. Seriously. It would make our lives much easier. 2x + 2 would be 2 + 2, and 144x - 31 would be 144 - 31. See how easy it would be for us? Darn, everyone would get good results in all exams then.

Why is it always that we have to find your value? You know what I think? I think you have no value at all. In fact you are so worthless that I don't think anyone would mind if you disappeared from our equations. Forever. And no, you're not gonna take over x's place, y. Not you either, a. Or any of you from the 26 alphabets. Unknowns are unwelcome in this world.

~ Angelina + inf x = Angelina

See? It made no difference. x's suck.

Are You Patriotic?

Every Monday morning at my school, hundreds of students pledge their allegiance to the national flag hanging above the pole in front of them.

Kepercayaan Kepada Tuhan
Kesetiaan Kepada Raja Dan Negara
Keluhuran Perlembagaan
Kedaulatan Undang-Undang
Kesopanan Dan Kesusilaan

Does saying these phrases aloud make any difference to how we act and feel towards our country each day? Do the students even care or know what they mean? Now, isn't this just a waste of time?

I believe everyone reading this have taken up their hands and said the pledge before. Not once, not twice. But uncountable times. Ask yourself this:

1. Does reciting this make you believe in God more than you ever did in the past?
2. Does reciting this make you more loyal to your country?
3. Does reciting this make any sense to you?
4. Does reciting this make you respect the law more than ever?
5. Does reciting this make you a more polite?

These are, in my opinion, merely mindless repetitious incantations. Shouldn't it be the way that the nation is allowed to pledge their allegiance at their own free will? The oral recitation of the pledge is not sincere at all, holding no purpose or importance to the country and the people.

To prove that what I say is right, you can ask the people to say, "I shall kill myself after I recite the pledge." and see how many actually jump down the building afterwards. Well, you get my point.

Every time I see hundreds of students standing straight, singing the national song and saying the pledge, I wonder how many actually love our country with all their heart, and how many who say it just because of the forced patriotism in our country, Malaysia. Are we looking at true patriotism? Or just the mere appearance of what seems to be as seen by our government?

Senior? Not.

Aaaahhh!!! I'm Form 5 already! I am a senior student in school, yet I don't wanna be and don't feel like a senior yet! Darn, do I feel old. Form 5 also means... SPM!!! Don't tell me it's easy. It's always easy after you've done it. IT'S HELL FOR ME. *hopes that the Form 6 classes start soon so I don't feel old*

Sigh... It sure is gonna be a loooooong and stressful year.

The Reason

Must there be a reason to everything?
Do I need a reason for sadness?
Do I need a reason for pain?
I can't give an explanation for this;
'Til I feel my life is drained.

I know I'm missing something in life,
Something essential,
Something I can't even name.
Oh what, what is it that I need?
"Teen depression is common," my mum would claim.

Leave it, let it be,
Ignore your feelings, just let it be,
Many get this feeling, I know.
But what, oh what?
What is it that buries me in sorrow?

Stress? Attention? Love?
Oh please tell me Almighty God,
If you're there above.

Laughables

I caught a pet in an online game yesterday. He looked cute so I named him Leng Zai (meaning "handsome" in Cantonese). While I was walking around the game, a Malay guy saw it and immediately messaged me, "Wah, where can I find leng zai?!"


= = =
I chatted with this AI chat bot called iGod. It claims that it is God but everyone knows better. So I tell it:

Me: God, give me a boyfriend.
God: You want only one?
Me: Yes.
God: They might be cheaper in quantity.