Quarrelling. Seems to run in the family. Is it because of the surname QUAH? Quahrellings.
It makes me sad that I always have quarrels with my mum. She just doesn't want to admit that she is in the wrong and the word "sorry" does not exist in her vocabulary. Every time something goes wrong, the finger points to me, the shouting is towards me, and the blame is put on me. Sometimes it makes me wonder, if I am dead, will all these still happen? Is it only then she will realise that I am not the cause of her "misery"?
Another quarrel, yesterday. With the tone sounding like I murdered someone, she blamed me for something she THOUGHT she asked me to do, which she didn't, and after I told her, she did not believe me. Then the you-should-know speech started, and again, my fault. And being the innocent party, I REFUSE to speak or look at her. Well, that's my way of "showing my temper".
Later that night, well, according to my stepfather; she told him that she was sad about my attitude, bla bla bla. And today, I still refuse to initiate any communication with her. And just now, my stepfather gave me a lecture on how I'm supposed to give in BECAUSE I'M THE DAUGHTER.
I AM THE DAUGHTER SO WHAT? ACCUSE ME OF MURDER ALSO MUST NOD?
Of course, I refuse to give in. Then, he started talking about respect. For your information, I RESPECT WITH A REASON LOR! You don't respect me, for what I respect you? I am also a human with feelings, not a wall for you to scream at when you're in a bad mood. Then, he started saying about her not feeling well and stuff, and that maybe all the symptoms "are caused by a growth". Oh, so using death to threaten me now la? Then I also can say, I got depression, I MIGHT SUICIDE ANY MOMENT SO APPRECIATE ME MORE!
And I remember some email she sent me a couple of weeks ago telling me that I was rude. If I am rude, then her? One sentence can kill a man? Hypocrite.
This post is not to show any disrespect or whatsoever, but sometimes she is just too much, and there is just so much I can stand. I need a place to voice out my dissatisfaction and opinions, and thus the existence of my blog.
~ Angelina
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Monday, July 7, 2008
The Semi Boss
If you think being the kid of the person in authority of a certain place is cool, you're wrong. I don't know about the ministers' kids, or Bill Gates' daughter; but I know I hate it when people treats me like a little princess to try and jack their boss, in this case, my mum.
Little presents, delicious treats, ang paus during the Chinese New Year...
"Oh, hey! I got this for your daughter!"
"Wow, she's growing taller!" (Stupid, I know I've never made an inch since Primary 6)
All these, clear signs of insincerity. I mean, if they were so downright sincere, why didn't they give little gifts to others? Their colleagues have children too, why not give them gifts? Why me? At my mum's office, I'm always the smartest, tallest, prettiest, gorgeous person there. Yet people who don't know me wouldn't give me a second glance. If I'm that perfect, don't you think the paparazzi would be all over me?
I hate being the semi boss, they treat me good to get a promotion, they treat me good to get a raise, but since when am I treated good for being myself? I dread stepping into the office on Fridays (earlier school dismissal), the staffs will all still be there. Once I step in they'll go all high-pitched saying, "Oh, look! Here's Madam Julie's daughter! Awww!"
I FEEL UNEASY ONE YOU KNOW?!!
You know, the next time I get a job, I'll know what NOT to do - shower my boss's kid with goodies. You know my future boss's kid, I know exactly how you feel *pats imaginary back*
And my mum says, "Privileged kids don't know how to appreciate."
You know about my previous posts on how I hate studying Chinese language? Now I've totally changed my mind (not the part where I have to memorize 260 idioms for SPM, of course). Studying that language isn't so bad after all, the second worst part has passed, which is my primary school times, and now the last obstacle is waiting! SPM! All I have to do is bear that 260 idioms for another about 4 months, THEN I'M FREE! And I'll be recognized as somebody who can speak and write in 3 languages, and speak 2 dialects in China (Hokkien and Cantonese actually, although I only know some basics for Cantonese, and don't understand what people are saying half of the time :D).
The reason why I have this sudden change of mind is because my Chinese language teacher introduced to us a new university that is going to be opened in Malaysia. It is ranked the 4th best university in China, and even the natives are having a hard time trying to apply to study there. What's better is that - it is compulsory for all students to study in ShangHai for their last year. STILL NEED TO MAKE COMPULSORY MEH? No need to force also I go :D Then maybe I can use this opportunity to penetrate China's market, and then make money, and be rich, and... and...
AND! This is what I call a truely privileged person, not because I'm the kid of a boss, because I'm capable of balancing 3 languages, 3 science subjects, 2 math subjects, history, EST and still having "very good moral values", in a normal-sized human brain! I'm not a genius, I'm not one of the smartie gang, but I'm definitely more privileged. I admit that I don't score good grades for the science subjects, like I said, I'm no genius; but, who says I'm gonna pursue something that I'm not interested in anyway? :D
I just don't think that it is necessary to study hard for something that I don't like, for instance, my science subjects. I wouldn't wanna lose my fun little teenagerhood just to be at the top 10, I know many others who would, but just not me. Maybe I prefer to be like every other teenager and stick with the late hand-ins and rules breaking :) Don't get me wrong, I ain't no big-time rules breaker, but some rules are meant to be broken, so I did just that! Don't look at me with that stare, don't tell me you haven't broken any rules before?
Then again, maybe that's how I stopped myself from being that little emo girl I was years ago. I changed my lifestyle, I changed my perception of school, I changed what I think is more beneficial to me mentally and emotionally. I changed my views on life. I ain't one of the top-scorers like I was before, yet I am undeniably happier. I don't get stressed up on a B anymore. Not even on a C now. I simply just pay more attention, that's all I need for a happy life, and that is how it is meant to be for me, for my life :)
Little presents, delicious treats, ang paus during the Chinese New Year...
"Oh, hey! I got this for your daughter!"
"Wow, she's growing taller!" (Stupid, I know I've never made an inch since Primary 6)
All these, clear signs of insincerity. I mean, if they were so downright sincere, why didn't they give little gifts to others? Their colleagues have children too, why not give them gifts? Why me? At my mum's office, I'm always the smartest, tallest, prettiest, gorgeous person there. Yet people who don't know me wouldn't give me a second glance. If I'm that perfect, don't you think the paparazzi would be all over me?
I hate being the semi boss, they treat me good to get a promotion, they treat me good to get a raise, but since when am I treated good for being myself? I dread stepping into the office on Fridays (earlier school dismissal), the staffs will all still be there. Once I step in they'll go all high-pitched saying, "Oh, look! Here's Madam Julie's daughter! Awww!"
I FEEL UNEASY ONE YOU KNOW?!!
You know, the next time I get a job, I'll know what NOT to do - shower my boss's kid with goodies. You know my future boss's kid, I know exactly how you feel *pats imaginary back*
And my mum says, "Privileged kids don't know how to appreciate."
***
You know about my previous posts on how I hate studying Chinese language? Now I've totally changed my mind (not the part where I have to memorize 260 idioms for SPM, of course). Studying that language isn't so bad after all, the second worst part has passed, which is my primary school times, and now the last obstacle is waiting! SPM! All I have to do is bear that 260 idioms for another about 4 months, THEN I'M FREE! And I'll be recognized as somebody who can speak and write in 3 languages, and speak 2 dialects in China (Hokkien and Cantonese actually, although I only know some basics for Cantonese, and don't understand what people are saying half of the time :D).
The reason why I have this sudden change of mind is because my Chinese language teacher introduced to us a new university that is going to be opened in Malaysia. It is ranked the 4th best university in China, and even the natives are having a hard time trying to apply to study there. What's better is that - it is compulsory for all students to study in ShangHai for their last year. STILL NEED TO MAKE COMPULSORY MEH? No need to force also I go :D Then maybe I can use this opportunity to penetrate China's market, and then make money, and be rich, and... and...
AND! This is what I call a truely privileged person, not because I'm the kid of a boss, because I'm capable of balancing 3 languages, 3 science subjects, 2 math subjects, history, EST and still having "very good moral values", in a normal-sized human brain! I'm not a genius, I'm not one of the smartie gang, but I'm definitely more privileged. I admit that I don't score good grades for the science subjects, like I said, I'm no genius; but, who says I'm gonna pursue something that I'm not interested in anyway? :D
I just don't think that it is necessary to study hard for something that I don't like, for instance, my science subjects. I wouldn't wanna lose my fun little teenagerhood just to be at the top 10, I know many others who would, but just not me. Maybe I prefer to be like every other teenager and stick with the late hand-ins and rules breaking :) Don't get me wrong, I ain't no big-time rules breaker, but some rules are meant to be broken, so I did just that! Don't look at me with that stare, don't tell me you haven't broken any rules before?
Then again, maybe that's how I stopped myself from being that little emo girl I was years ago. I changed my lifestyle, I changed my perception of school, I changed what I think is more beneficial to me mentally and emotionally. I changed my views on life. I ain't one of the top-scorers like I was before, yet I am undeniably happier. I don't get stressed up on a B anymore. Not even on a C now. I simply just pay more attention, that's all I need for a happy life, and that is how it is meant to be for me, for my life :)
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