Dreams vs. Reality

There is a question which bothers me every once in a while - am I living in a dream world? I know this must sound a little cliché.

Am I fooled into believing I can achieve more than I really can? Are my hopes set too high? What if everything comes crashing down? What if?

For instance - I'd really want to build a cosy little mansion in the middle of the forest, away from the world, where nothing but a path wide enough for a vehicle to pass through leads to it. And there is where I shall live, and there is where I shall die. This may sound ridiculous to some, but to me, I'll definitely do this if I can afford it. And no, I haven't been reading too many story books. In fact, the nearest book I've ever been with these days is my Contract text book.

I know this dream would probably cost millions, maybe 10. Or 20. That sounds like a lot, but that also sounds pretty achievable to me. Which brings me back to my point - am I being realistic?

Normal people we see typically aim for a stable job and to get settled down with a family. I, however, want to live a fantasy life, one that can only be achieved by acquiring wealth. Given that it has been achieved, then what? Am I going to lock myself in and rot to death? Am I going to be Buddha v2.0 and meditate to come up with some strange preaching?

The sense of achievement will probably last me a few months. I'd probably start travelling, buying things I love, do stuff I've always wanted to do. But there's going to be a limit for everything, so what do I do then? Get married? To WHO?

But then again, those are only questions which I have to answer when the fact that I'm not living a dream is proven. What are the chances, you ask me? I'd give it a 1 in 5.

Until then, I'll be seeking answers to questions on how to prove that nothing is impossible and that dreams can come true.

Godamnit

Sometimes enough is enough. Why do parents blame every single thing on their kids? Or at least mine does.

If something goes missing or goes wrong, it automagically means that I somehow have something to do with it. The first question will NOT be, "Hey, have you seen this?" I will straightaway hear an unhappy tone saying, "Why are you so irresponsible?" followed by centuries of nagging.

FOR FUCK'S SAKE LAH, I WHERE GOT SO FREE GO AND TOUCH YOUR THINGS?!

Even if I successfully defend my innocence, a "you should know" nag will commence. If I should know everything then I would be GOD, wouldn't I? It's so impossible even GOD doesn't exist.

And if I defend some more, another self-pitying "oh-i'm-so-fucking-stressed-out" speech will start. YOU THINK THAT JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE STRESSED OUT, YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO EMOTIONALLY PROVOKE ME?!

So stressed out then talk about it, or try to solve your problem - not try to pick a quarrel with me. I have my worries too. Although they're not as serious, at least I know how to fucking CONTROL it.

This has been going on for so long I think MORE THAN HALF of my blog entries are rants about parents. I used to cry in my room when I get wrongfully blamed but not anymore. I defend myself now, and because of that, cold wars and heated debates start.

Godamnit, fuck my life.