Live Life... Again

Suppose you could re-live your life. What would you change? Which decisions would you alter? Missed opportunities, broken promises, regretful choices, and life-saving decisions. Perhaps you would decide to travel to exotic places that you have never been before, or try treating your family members and friends better. Unfortunately, no matter how long your list is now, it's now too late. The missed opportunities have been missed, broken promises have been broken, regretful choices have been made and lives might have been lost. As days dwindle, as time flies by, all you can do is contemplate about what-if's and live to indemnify the bad decisions you have made.

But the most important question still lies - Are you happy with your life? Because every bad decision you made or negative situation that you have gone through is absolutely necessary to bring you to this point. If you were to remake these decisions, you might not experience what you need to experience, and make the mistakes you must make.

I was meant to go to a Kebangsaan school. Yet my mum changed her mind and sent me to a Chinese school. What if I was sent to a Kebangsaan school? How will I fare? What kind of friends would I meet? What kind of life would I live? The different environment, different teachers, different people. I might and might not be where I am right now. Though not as perfect, I am happy with my current situation. Re-living my life and going to a Kebangsaan school is just too much a risk to take. What about art stream with the subjects I like most? What if I chose art stream over science stream? What will happen? I took science stream for the benefits of it, but with the subjects I don't like. It's a decision made, a risk taken but not necessarily a mistake made. Let's see how it'll turn out it the end.

~ Angelina

Boy or Girl?

Seriously, would you rather be a guy or a girl? Forget about what people would say, which would you choose? Personally, I find that there are a lot of disadvantages of being a girl. But I'd still rather be a girl because girls are more INTELLIGENT! Wahahaha! No offence to guys, you all are equally smart, just that most of you are lazy to put your brains to good use :P

But being a girl is quite ma fan too. Why?

1. Menstruation. Freaking hate this time of the month. We have to suffer from mood swings, pain and discomfort :(
2. Security issues. We have to take precaution of perverted men all the time!
3. Wasting a lot of time to make ourselves look good. Can't be avoided if you're a girl.
4. Double D's a.k.a. BOOBS. Some hate theirs because they want them bigger. I hate it because it's friggin' annoying especially when I run or jump -_-"
5. Some people still look down on females these days. Yes, the society has changed but some minds still remain the same.
6. Weaker in nature. I wanna be strong and muscular! (Explains why I turned my friend into a punching bag =X)
7. Babies. They're so freaking huge. Why can't we lay eggs instead?

Guys should bear part of the burden, you know. I'd love it if they can help with the last point. BEAR BABIES. Don't worry, there's always cesarean delivery :)

~ Angelina

Anger Management

I admit that I have problems with controlling my anger. I flare up easily. What I don't understand is why it only happens at home. I feel happy with my friends. We laugh and joke and have all the fun. However, this doesn't happen at home. A simple sentence from my mum would trigger my "anger hormones" and make my tears flow. Why?

Great. Now she thinks I despise her.

I did some reading about anger management and one of the tactics is to "print a picture of that person and destroy that any way you like". But I can't. That's because:

Fact 1: I love my mum.
Fact 2: She doesn't know that.

I really don't know how to communicate with my mum anymore, so I guess I'll just blog out my hatred and forget about it.

I HATE'S

I hate the way she hijacks conversations, especially when I'm sharing my thoughts or experiences, she would interrupt and continues the rest with her "you should..." speech. She loves to be heard, yet she doesn't listen.

I hate how she did not talk to me and totally cut me off of any socialization for two months, about two years ago. It was mental torture during that period. She screamed and slammed the doors almost daily. I didn't notice any changes in me at first, until my friends asked me about it, and I began to think back and realise the changes. I guess it was too late? Funny how two months can change a person's personality.

I hate the fact that she keeps telling people how smart I am, and that I don't even need tuition to score the straight A's. She doesn't even know when I had exams when I was still in primary school, despite the dozens of times I informed her. And thank you VERY MUCH for that -_-

I hate it when she's being a "know-it-all". Don't think that you know me or anything about me that well, cause the truth is you don't. And stop lecturing me about my attitude. I'm the way I am and people love me. Oh yes, a person with such a bad attitude like me have a lot of friends :) Got my point?

I hate the fact when she takes jokes seriously. For God's sake, it's just a fucking joke. Have a sense of humour and stop saying that my style of talking provokes people's anger. My friends and even not-so-close friends accepts them with a smile and a nice little debate we all enjoy. Fact is, you're outdated.

I hate the times when she is being a show-off. Don't go out telling people how well I fare in my exams. If they are interested, they will ask you themselves. And the truth is I don't score well. I'm nothing to be proud of. I'm a worthless piece of junk. So sorry to disappoint you.

I hate it when she makes counterfactual assumptions and blames everything which is totally NOT what I meant. Shedding tears in front of me because you think I purposely made you late for work is a great example. Why would I do that on purpose? You think I want to be late for school and get a warning from the board? Look before you jump. If you say you did, look further.

...

Yes, a lot of hate's. But mummy, I love you for being imperfect. I love you for every other thing you have done for me. I love you for all the sacrifices you have made. I love you for giving me a little taste of happiness, anger and sadness; maybe you accidentally added a pinch too much. I love you for moulding me into how I am today.

So friends! If you love me, thank my mum.

~ Angelina

Fantasies

Fantasies. I'm sure everyone has them. Your wildest dreams which will have little chance to become reality. Unless you get pretty lucky, or so in my case. No, mine isn't about having sex with hot celebrities.

A few years back, when I was still in primary school, I've always a wild fantasy of getting brutally murdered. Yes, murdered. The thought of a gun being held right up to my head, the sound when the trigger was about to be pulled, the tensed moment that I knew I was going to die... It was wonderful. That was one of the first "murder-me" fantasies I had.

And then it progressed. I fantasized myself being shot by a masked serial killer, having several bullets shot at my body, the non-vital parts of my body. He was going to let me suffer to my death. The feeling of pain, the feeling when my body was rejecting the foreign objects punctured inside... I was in agony... I was in pain... But, I was happy.

Then I invited another murderer into my fantasy land. This one, holds a knife. He would stab me, he would then slowly pull out the knife, enjoying every second of my pain. My blood would be dripping, blood would be oozing out of my mouth. My killer would smile. He would direct the knife to my neck and slowly, carefully slice it open, appreciating the art by the law of gravity as my blood flows down the knife, along his hand, and finally drip down from his elbows.

Oh, how arousing, how sensational. There, my wildest fantasy. But please, don't murder me :)

~ Angelina

A Love Story In School

Without fail, he would be there.

Rain...

... or shine.

Solemnly and patiently, without a complaint, awaiting her footsteps to draw near. Glancing at his watch from time to time. The Chinese lesson will be ending soon.

One minute... Two minutes... Three minutes. Why is she late today? Still, he maintains his imperturbable composure. Waiting and waiting...

Eventually, she turns up. He looks up with a smile on his face, ever so happy to see her.

"Hey, how's class?"

He opens up an umbrella and together they would walk home, in a quiet and delightful atmosphere, only they can feel.

---oOo---

Ah, one of the romantic situations in school when a guy would wait for a girl for hours, just because she takes extra Chinese lessons and he doesn't. So pure. So romantic.

~ Angelina

Angelina... That's Me.

Someone: Hi, what's your name?
Angelina: Hi, I'm Angelina.
Someone: Oooh, Angelina Jolie! So do you love Brad Pitt?

People always relate me to Angelina Jolie because we have the same first name. I feel as if Angelina Jolie has stolen my identity. Angelina Jolie isn't the only Angelina in this world, okay? I'm Angelina Tan. TAN, TAN, TAN, TAN, TAN!!!

I wonder if I will ever be so well known that people will say, "Oooh, Angelina Tan!" instead. My mum wasn't too happy when my father named me Angelina at first, she complained to him that it was too long. She even asked him, "What kind of name is that?" But Mummy, I like my name! Oh, and thanks Daddy even though you are not reading! :P

Every time you type "Angelina" in the search box, hundreds of Angelina Jolie fansites would be the top results. The only place my real FULL name came out is on the PMR scorers list. I want to be at the top. No, I SHALL be at the top! One day, one day...

I have a few certificates which had my name misspelled as "Angeline". Some people call me Angeline, some even call me Angela. Having a name starting with "A" is not a good thing in school. When teachers select students, it's always me first! It's BAD! Especially for a blur-blur girl like me. I always stand up saying, "What? Teacher say what ah?" Speaking of blur, I can't keep my eyes open in class, especially during Chinese lesson! That language of doom -_- *chants* I am a banana... I am a banana... I am a banana...

Quoted from what a form 6 guy said...

What? You know how to read Chinese? I have never heard you speak a word of Chinese since I studied here three years ago.

Quoted from what my History teacher of 3 years said...

What? You take Chinese? Unbelievable!

I should probably stop elaborating about my banana-ness.

---oOo---

** A small update to the previous post **

Today was worse. That guy was telling me how he would hire a helicopter and bring me through the skies. I am not interested in your, um, flying fantasies... with me.


~ Angelina

An Interesting Talk

Was doing my prefect's duty in school this morning and something that I find very funny happened. There was this prefect who has been trying to befriend me last year (until now!) came to me and we had a chit-chat session.

His friend, the "evil guy" (he used to nag me all the time. Note: used, cause I complained to him and he made sure that the evil guy doesn't bug me anymore), came over and joined us.

Evil Guy: He has something to ask you.
Me: Oh, ok.
Him: Hey can I ask you something?
Me: Sure.
Him: Every time you pick up your phone, do you call up anyone?
Me: Um, no.
Him: Okay, err, then every time you pick up your phone, is there someone that you really feel like calling?
Me: No -_-"
Evil Guy: ARGH! Get to the point for God's sake! He wants to know if you have a boyfriend.
Me: ...

I really got to hold my laughter after seeing the fact that he find it so hard to come up with that question. But it's natural, no? :) He asked for my number after that, and he wrote it on HIS HAND! My friend couldn't stop laughing after she knew what happened, she said she sensed this coming but not as soon as this and asked me if I sensed it too.

Of course I sensed it! There are so many things that happened since last year until now.

Case 1: End of last year
We were doing our morning duties and he purposely chose a spot closest to me and was staring at me. Yes, staring. I tried to act normal but the fact is - I can't! How do you feel when a pair of eyes is looking at you without a blink?! So I finally turned to him and asked him if there was anything wrong. He denied.

Case 2: Beginning of school this year
Most of the Form 5 prefects hold positions in the prefectorial board, including the evil guy and him. He was in-charged of the blocks and the evil guy was in-charged of the canteen. I was stationed at the canteen at that time. He wouldn't stop bugging the evil guy to switch my place with another prefect so that I would be doing me duty at the blocks - which is what I'm doing now.

Case 3: All the time
He would come to talk to me quite often and greets me whenever he sees me.

Case 4: Photography session
This, I think, is the funniest thing. He was embarrassed and did not talk to me for two whole weeks after this happened. During the prefect's photography session, we have to stand in three lines. The first line is for the ones who are holding positions, second is for the girl prefects, and finally for the boys. Instead of standing at the line for those who hold positions, he came and stood beside me, which is the girls' line and forced his friend who did not hold any positions to take his place.

Him: I'm so lucky to be able to take this photo with you, I guess we're fated to be!
Me: ...
Me: Um, do you realise that you are standing in the girls' row?
Him: Yea I do, but I'm special!
Me: -_-" Whatever you say...
Teacher: What are you doing here?!! You're supposed to sit there! And you! What do you think you're doing, sitting at HIS place?!!
Innocent friend: But, he told me to sit here!
Teacher: I don't care! You both go back to your places and stop wasting our time!

Ouch. That must've hit him hard.

Case 5: Whenever he is near
HE SINGS *cough cough* Sorry, but your voice is not meant for singing =/

There are many other "mini happenings" that will make this post go long and boring, so I guess I'll have to skip those, lol. And guess what?! After asking for my number, he sang a love song in Chinese to me -_-" Cough. No, seriously, I'm having a bad cough!

I was standing at that time as I was on duty, and they were sitting. The evil guy wanted to "test" him.

Evil guy: Hey, Angelina. Come and sit here with me. *pats bench*
Me: Don't want la.
Him: WHO WANTS TO SIT WITH YOU?! Of course she'll sit with me. *pats bench too*
Evil guy: No space la there. Come, come, sit here, sit here.
Him: WHO SAY NO PLACE?! Here alot!! Come here, come here!
Me: ...
Me: It's okay, I'll just stand -_-"

Kids these days... When will they ever learn to grow up? LOL! I should stop mimicking what adults say :D

I still laugh at the thought of this, wonder what he will say when he calls tonight, which he say he will. What an interesting day with those cute little kids xD

~ Angelina